If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat-race… you’re a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework… you’re a pansy.
If you work too hard… there’s never any time for her.
If you don’t work enough… you’re a good-for-nothing scum bag.
If she has a boring, repetitive job with low pay… this is exploitation.
If you have a boring, repetitive job with low pay… you should get off your lazy arse and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her… that’s favouritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you… it’s equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks… it’s sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet… it’s male indifference.
If you cry… you’re a wimp.
If you don’t… you’re an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her… you’re a chauvinist pig.
If she makes a decision without consulting you… she’s a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy… that’s domination.
If she asks you… it’s a favour.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear… you’re a pervert.
If you don’t… you’re gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and stay in shape… you’re sexist.
If you try to keep yourself in shape… you’re vain.
If you don’t… you’re a slob.
If you buy her flowers… you’re after something.
If you don’t… you’re not thoughtful.
If you’re proud of your achievements… you’re full of yourself.
If you aren’t… you’re not ambitious.
If she has a headache… she’s tiered.
If you have a headache… you don’t love her anymore.
If you want it too often… you’re oversexed.
If you don’t… there must be someone else.
Men die first because they want to.
Juntei uma musiquinha adequada a esta declaração de guerra masculina: Le Ballet (Celine Dion). Dancemos, pois.
sábado, 20 de outubro de 2007
E para que não me acusem de ser inflexível neste tema eterno e sempre quente "homens versus mulheres", aqui deixo um texto com graça - e com graça se dizem algumas verdades, há que admiti-lo - que me foi enviado por um amigo, suponho que como provocação, devida à onda feminista dos meus últimos posts. Mantive o inglês porque achei que se perderia muita da sua fina ironia na tradução. Os ingleses são exímios nessa arte. Como vês, Manel, aqui está ele. Pronunciem-se. Palpitem. E viva o contraditório!